Dear Jordan Barnes...

Sen12rs (that doesn’t really work)

If you were wondering, and even if you weren’t senior year has been great. If you asked me 10 years ago what I wanted my senior year to look like, I would have described something fairly similar to what has happened thus far. Well first, my classes are easy.  Second, for the most part, my friends are awesome. I think it hit all of us that the drama isn’t worth it and we have all been having a blast. I also was on homecoming court, which was such an honor at such a large high school like Fairfield.

Maybe you caught the part where I wrote, ‘if you were to ask me 10 years ago what I wanted my senior year to look like…’ Maybe you also noticed I didn’t write, ‘I can’t imagine anything going any better, perfect is the only way to explain it…’ That is because I could imagine a lot going better…but you know what? That’s all right...Because I have a God who is way bigger than all of choices I have made, and all of the choices I will make. I can’t think of better news than that really.

I really don’t have a lot to write here. Except that I have made a lot of mistakes this year so far, and I will continue to make mistakes, everyday, for the rest of my life. And so will you.  But we serve a living God. And that is some seriously glorious news. So NO MATTER what you’re going through, persevere…he is sovereign and always at work. I really just wrote that whole blog entry to myself, because lately, I forget that every single day. But once again, I am covered, praise Jesus for that. Seriously, praise Jesus.

  You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:6-8

The First of a lot of Lasts

I am sitting in my best friend Emma’s room right now.

 “Jordan, listen to what Justin (talking about the 17 year old pop star that she has never met) just tweeted…”

 JustinBieber: I have the best fans in the world, I love my #beliebers

“Jordan, he loves us…”

Somebody please come shank me.

We have both spent the entire day finishing up the work we have been putting off for the entire summer. Laundry, essays, reading, and last minute blog entries… We (the class of 2012) begin the last year of our high school careers in T-Minus 20 hours. That is something I never thought I was going to be able to say.

Most of what we have to look forward to does nothing but terrify me. Like anything with the word college hooked to it. The question, “where are you going next year?” or “what is your major?” or the infamous “where do you see yourself in 5-7 years?”. Was it not just three years ago that I was wearing unfortunate bows in my hair and thought that me being a cheerleader and my fourteen year old boyfriend being a football player was as good as it got?

Also, something else that makes me nervous is the statement, ‘Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.’ I think it makes me nervous because I have done just that. I fell in love with a college and haven’t exactly given any others a chance. But what the heck isn’t to love about this place…

Aside from the nerves of all of the ‘lasts’ that are being thrown at us in a mere 180 days, I am exited. Senior year brings some of the most memorable times in your life. And when you have as sick of a ministry as I do (praise Jesus for Fairfield Young Life) you can be sure that it will be a great one.

So this is the first post of a lot of posts. Because really the whole point for this blog was the whole ‘senior year’ thing. I just got a tad ahead of myself.

My main goal for my senior year is to not forget this. Because so often I do. “God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing. " With all of the craziness of the last year of high school, I am sure it isn't going to be hard for that to slip my mind. So this is my cyber promise to get in the word more than ever before and have real relationships with people that have the same goal as me.

Btw, You're incredibly beautiful. Remember that today.

Flesh vs. Spirit

         Great friends. I love each of you so dearly. I want to share what I got to hear this Sunday morning at The Oaks Church. The eye opening that was done in a short hour by myself and three of my beautiful friends was unreal. Conviction, a feeling I have learned to adore was taking over the whole room. God bless conviction. We talked about flesh, yes flesh. Not the over tanned, scarred, and bruised flesh that covers your body, but the way you serve Jesus. Galations 5:19-21 sums up flesh as '...sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery, idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like.'
        "You, as a sinful human, attempt to make other sinful humans look worse than you by the acts describes in Galations 5:19-21." This is what serving Jesus through our flesh looks like friends. And why do we do this? Who the freak knows. Before Jesus, we had to live in and through the flesh ALL of the time. But guys, HE DIED FOR US. That life of hurt and pain is no more. So why, as truth knowing and seeking humans, do we continue? 
        Where Galations 5 might deliver some hard news, listing fifteen plus things we do against the spirit, it also lists what we as Christians are promised. 'But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.' This is great news. We are not offered those things, but PROMISED those things. But if we are always trying to conquer flesh with flesh, who are we serving but ourselves? In John 15:5, Jesus says, "...apart from me, you can do nothing." I have 'heard' this verse a thousand times, but I don't think I actually heard it until Sunday. Literally nothing you do apart from Christ is worth anything. Not one word you say or one move you make is important. And this could be the saddest thing you have ever heard, but it isn't because we serve and follow an absolutely beautiful God. 
      

Hi my name is Copier.

Friends, family, ministry, school...what else is there, you ask? A lot. The little things are what matter after all. Here are some things that could easily make my day. I would love to know yours too. I have this theory...if we all had a partner, and we knew the little, stupid, insignificant things that the other person enjoyed, we could all live in this world a little easier. This theory is everything but foolproof, maybe even foolish. But it is something that has popped into my mind, more than a few times.

1. When I ring out a customer, and the total comes to an even dollar amount.
2. When I look at the clock at 4:59, that's the time I came into this world.
3. Good morning texts
4. Pugs (R.I.P Luther Ray Barnes)
5. Evidence of how alive the Gospel is. (When what I flip to in the bible is exactly what I needed to hear at that time)
6. When I tweet something ridiculous and I am obviously having a pity party, and Megan Birk texts me and actually cares
7. When I get cards in the mail...I actually just love cards
8. The first day of school
9. Interior Design, to bad I suck
10. Crafts in general, but especially when I am doing them with my Grandma Betty
11. http://www.stumbleupon.com/
12. When I am the first car to be stopped at a rail road track, that is my God sign
13. Crying...this may seem wierd to anyone, especially those of you who know that I rarely cry, but when I do, it's refreshing. It reminds me that my feelings are real, and alive, and I am human.
14. When anyone asks my for advice, I feel needed, we all crave to feel needed, right?
15. When people tell me I look like my dad
16. My dad
17. When you step into sand, and crunch up your toes
18. This song...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFtaSNiGWuc, when I am sad
19. This song...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qC9rJZKUAPg, when I am happy
20. Burnt CD's
21. Pulling in somewhere and seeing Carla the Kia, she is great
22. Blogging and everything about it

That is an obnoxious list of things you probably could have lived without reading. But it all goes back to my theory.

Have a beautiful day.

Proverbs 17:17

I have some insanely beautiful people in my life...

Emma Jane Reed is the most selfless person I have ever met. It is never about her, and I doubt it ever will be. I live about two and a half steps away from her, which has been such a blessing. Through my rollar coaster of the end of junior year, I don't know what I would have done without her. I have never had such a real relationship with someone. I can say anything to her, and I know she will at least try to understand where I am coming from, even if I am being completely irrational. Which is the case sometimes. Our fights last twenty minutes because we are really good at figuring stuff out together. She wants to be a teacher, and she will be amazing. Jesus has used this her through about 12 freshman girls this year. Each one of them as thankful for her as I am. Soooo, thank you Emmy, for teaching me what not living for myself looks like. And for making me feel super welcome in your home.

Cara Grace Deaton was the only person who would take the risk of being my best friend after a somewhat rough sophmore year. I was a mean, hateful, untrustworthy 16 year old, and she loved me through it all. Countless times, we have called each other crying and had to jump in our cars to the others rescue. This year I have realized, that's is what friendship is. We don't have to talk everyday, but she would drop anything for me, anytime. I can't wait to grow in Jesus with her. Sooo, thank you Currra, for being my best friend, and never letting me give up on being a Christian, and picking me up at midnight with unhealthy food to comfort me.

Lindsay Nicole Sper was a fellow sea otter in 6th grade. From 6th grade until 10th grade we hung out with the same people and made the same mistakes. We did what we thought was going to find us happiness and we thought we were living life to the full. As soon as we realized that this wasn't the life we wanted, we both broke off from the comfortable group we had since 6th grade. We both took different routes, but we have remained best friends. She is the strongest person I have yet to meet and doesn't deserve half of what she has had to go through. We can not hang out for two months, and when we do, nothing changes. I can't wait to be best friends with her for the rest of my life. Sooo, thank you Linds, for showing me what strength is, and being my rock through all of the changes and mistakes we have made over the years.

Katherine Joy Derickson and I have known each other for less than a year. So, her being on this list is unusual, well not really. I have come into contact with a lot of people in my life, and none like her. She got placed as a Fairfield Young Life leader in the middle of my junior year and we have been great friends since that day. She has been a comforter, a leader, a gospel teller, a fellow blogger, a harsh truth giver, a decipler, and a best friend. My junior year wouldn't have been one of my biggest growing times without her. Sooo, thank you Katie, for showing me Jesus everytime I am with you and picking up the phone everytime I call with a question and being one of the best friends I have ever had.

Alyssa Renee Volk and Audrey Grace Barrett became two of my best friends this year. I think we all went into the frienship not knowing what to expect, and it has been so incredible. They may be two years younger than me, but they have taught me so much about myself and Jesus. They are two of the most mature and loving people I have ever met. I am terrified to leave them in a year, and I think about it everyday. But they will be so strong and amazing. Sooo, thank you Lys and Aud for being amazing friends, and for not being scared to leave things behind and focus on Jesus. You have inspired me so much.

My name is Jordan, and these are the people who named me

There is no reason for this blog, what so ever. My incredibly witty and intelligent aunt is an avid blogger, and I really enjoy looking at hers. Summer seems like a perfect time to do that. It is just another thing to add to the list of things to get in my way of actually doing something productive.

I want to talk about myself and people in general. The decisions I am going to be forced into making this next year and the reason behind them. I want to touch on how I got where I am and where I am going to go from here. This is blog is public, but very personal in a lot of ways.

I could create a list of a hundred things I want to talk about on here, but it would all go back to the reason I am aloud to talk about them. I speak freely because someone bigger than all humans, died for us. You may read my posts and think, she is such a good person. But I am not a good person. I am sinful just like you, and praise the Lord that someone saved us from that.

I have learned more in the last 365 days than I learned in the 16 years before that. It has been a humbling and beautiful experience. My first few posts will just tell you about me and all of the blessings that have got my to this point. Then I will trudge through my senior year, trying to make it as humorous and exiting as possible.

I have a mom and a dad, they are divorced, and have been since I was 2. I also have a step mom.

                                                    Hilton Head 2009

My father- Mike is a man of many words. He gives his opinion even when I don't want it. Like me, he is a planner. And always thinking about the future. I have found for this to be a good and bad thing. My dad is always on my side and has gotten me through high school. I want my husband to be a lot like my dad, as wierd as that may sound.

My step mother- When anyone asks about my parents, I make sure it is known that I have 3. And out of those three, I am probably closest to Erika. She has been such a blessing to me throughout my whole life. Although I have just this past year started to realize it. I want to be the kind of mother that she is to me and my little brother Ryan.

My siblings deserve an entry of there own. So that is another post for another day.

Carnival Cruise 2011

My mother- Bridget Laufman and I have been through a lot these past 17 years. We are incredibly different and incredibly alike at the same time. I value her opinion and love more than she knows. We have been working on tolerance of each other and figuring out the respect that comes with living with someone. At the end of the day, she means the world to me.

FHS and my other family

Most teenagers would be exited to tell you that they have one year left in that building above. I on the other hand, am fairly sad about it. I learned more about myself and people in that building than anywhere else. That is where I became more than a insecure 15 year old.

It wasn't so much the high school itself but the ministry I got involved with at that high school. My freshman year I got involved with Young Life youth ministries and still am today.

These are my brothers and sisters. All 75 of them. We have turned into one of the closest families these past three years. They are such a blessing in my life. I don't think I would have made it out of high school in one piece without them. We just recently got back from Lake Timberwolf in Michigan. Jesus was so present there. I love each one of these beautiful people.